A bit of a problem.

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A bit of a problem.

Post by Cwboy1 on Thu May 24, 2012 3:24 pm

This is just something a little personal I would like to share and ask advice for in the most mature way possible in the most honest community. So here it goes...

Since the beginning of middle school I've had these few friends that I've hung around with. Lets call them 1,2,3,4. Calling me 5. After a year, some sort of unwritten ranks have formed. I don't like this and for some reason, I'm at the top in this wide friendship group. I'm a person that likes to be close to just a few people, and you can see this sucks for me... 1 brings 6, and 2 brings 7, etc. We end up with 15+ people sometimes. I try to walk away, but heres what happens. 1 follows me instantly, then 2 follows him etc. I then have 4-5 people with me again. I put up with this for 2 years. Now, I've known these other guys, these people I really like, they wern't born with a silver spoon in their mouth (rich) unlike the others. There's just two of them and there friends arn't so bad. They share the same views as me and there just genreally nice people I like to be around. I've been trying to hint to 1,2,3 and 4 but they all just can't do anything without me there. I feel really selfish when they sort of drift of doing nothing. I feel sorry for them at the same time though. They shouldn't treat me as some sort of commander. I'm moving into high/upper school after the summer and I want to tell them, in a nice way, 'dont follow me like magnets.' Am I being selfish? Can I have some advice please? pale
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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by Royalist on Thu May 24, 2012 3:58 pm

Tell 'em "Listen guys, don't treat me like a commandor and do not follow me everywhere, please". They will understand and you'll feel better Smile. Hope I helped.
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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by Cwboy1 on Thu May 24, 2012 5:13 pm

Thank you Royalist, I will try this tommorow! Smile
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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by The Party on Fri May 25, 2012 1:41 am

They look to you as a leader. It won't be a simple "don't follow me" from the sounds of it that will not work.
Maybe try tellin them you don't want them to be bringing all these people, that you just want to hang with them. And don't act as the leader. Ask people what they want to do. Say you're going to the bathroom and leave. If they follow you, don't try and hurt them. Just say something like " I need to be left alone sometimes"

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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by Cwboy1 on Fri May 25, 2012 2:39 am

Thank you the party. I'll give it a go.
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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by Lazy Yak on Fri May 25, 2012 11:06 am

when you're alone with 1,2,3 and 4 , just tell them you don't like it when those other people follow you around like a dog
tell em that they don't need a leader and that they need to make disicitions for them self

i've almost the same problem with other people hanging in my pentagon ( we are 5 friends )
a new guy just comes in and starts commanding people like he is a top dog
he even creates a facebook group for our group without inviting 2 of the 5 people , ( me and my closest friend) i was with my gf that day and he didn't notice me, he just created that group and added every1 in there who stood in that group that day
so now i never know when the are going to partys etc

any1 help me with this?

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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by Cwboy1 on Fri May 25, 2012 11:36 am

Feedback:

I told them (in a nice way) that they were not to follow me by default and that I was still their friend but I need my personal space. So far it's worked. They managed to go an hour without having to follow me around and I could have a civiliezed conversation without 1 and 2 saying 'trollface' every other word. -_- I can thank only you guys and held Royalist and The Party in my mind when I was enjoying talking with my friends. Thank-you guys!

@She was Help.
This guy who is 'taking' your friends by the looks of it. Don't blank him. You don't want to make an enemy of him. Tell your friends, 'I though we could hang out, just us 2 (3 or 4). You can always give it a go.
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Re: A bit of a problem.

Post by Thefty on Fri May 25, 2012 4:35 pm

Good job on being successful today. I was going to say that you could just politely say that you need some space sometime but it looks like it worked!
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